What If the Bonobos Hold the Key to Saving Humanity From Itself?

There is a species of primate that shares nearly 99% of our DNA. They live just south of the Congo River and resolve conflicts without war. The species is led by females, and they are called bonobos.

But here’s what many people don’t realize. Bonobos may be the closest living example we have of what cooperative power actually looks like in action.

Bonobo societies are matriarchal. Female bonobos form strong alliances with one another, sharing food, grooming, and supporting one another’s young. When conflict arises, they diffuse tension (not just with each other, but with their raucous male partners) through connection rather than domination.

Male bonobos can be loud and flex power posturing, but they don’t run the show.

And here’s the part that I find the most interesting. There are no documented bonobo wars. They have never been observed in territorial raids, nor have they engaged in lethal aggression between groups/families.

While the bonobos’ closest genetic cousins, chimpanzees, conduct coordinated attacks (sound familiar?), Bonobos settle things with connection and compassion.

Imagine that. Two neighboring groups meet. Instead of drawing battle lines, they groom each other.

Bonobo mothers hold extraordinary influence. Not because she overpowers others, but because she connects through her unapologetically compassionate nature. This is power through building relationships and cooperation. And what’s amazing about this is that nature is not confused about it.

We know from our human species that when the feminine bonds, stability rises. We’ve been sold a bill of goods with a very specific interpretation of evolution over the past thousands of years—that survival belongs to the fittest. That somehow you must be the strongest, the loudest, and the most ruthless to get anywhere.

Bonobos crush this ridiculous domination story.

In last week’s essay, I wrote about how nature wastes nothing. How even decay feeds life. How putrid rot becomes nourishment. There is no waste in nature, and there is no waste in the Bonobo’s lifestyle. Male domination is stifled the moment it rears its inferior-trying-to-be-superior head.

Case in point: In one of the rare moments when the bonobo peace was breached, nature revealed something even deeper about feminine power. Researchers recently observed a group of female bonobos violently confronting a male after he had been seen threatening an infant in the group. It was an act so unusual in bonobo society that it stunned scientists and researchers. Again, while bonobos are famous for resolving conflict through connection rather than aggression, this moment showed that their harmony is not passive, but is extremely protective. The females did not attack and beat the male bonobo out of dominance, but out of defense for the life of one of the group’s young, creating a collective and very clear message and boundary around the most vulnerable. Even in one of Earth’s most peaceful primate cultures, the feminine does not confuse gentleness with tolerance for harm against another—especially a defenseless child. Cooperation is the norm, but when life is threatened, they will do what it takes to rebalance and not allow the brutality and perversion to continue. Oof, we can certainly learn a few lessons from these brave female primates. 

And before you roll your eyes, isn’t feminine-led cooperation over male-led domination a long-overdue strategy? We talk a good game about world peace, but it’s time to look at the common denominator of our destruction and upend its controlling power. We don’t need more evidence that the patriarchy is flawed. Like a reeled fish gasping for breath as it flails about on the dock, the male-dominated construct of dominance is coming to a end.

Masculine energy conquers. Feminine energy connects. One could argue that we need both, but when conquest runs unchecked through our culture, society sinks to its lowest of lows, and abuse becomes normalized. Aren’t we tired of this yet?

Bonobos remind us that a society organized around connection is not naive but is truly viable and, thankfully, protective of its most vulnerable members. It’s sustainable.

If a primate species sharing almost all our DNA can build a culture around female alliances and conflict diffusion, what excuse do we have?

As I’ve written before, the rise of the feminine is not about overthrowing; it’s about recalibrating. It’s about remembering that power can be used to protect instead of pervert. Nature already models this for us. We just have to decide whether we’re willing to pay attention and finally do things differently.